'Only one dream'

A new day starts again
And I just don’t know when
Could I see you then
And in happiness stand?

The time flows fast
I can’t take some rest
That beautiful past
Will always be the best

I can’t forget you
And never knew
Don’t want nothing new
Coz you have a beautiful view

No matter how hard I try
Without you I will die
Near you I was always high
And fly near the sky

I remember your smile
Your shiny blue eyes
There are no lies
And no more cries

I will lock you in my heart
And keep you in my mind
Coz everything you spoke
Turn my day into a joke

I’m trying to find you
Everywhere but never knew
Try to find somebody new
But I’ll always see just you

Why I can’t forget those eyes?
Why my nights I spend with cries?
Why I can’t be again high?
And enjoy the beauty of sky?

You are my move
My smile
My dance
My love

When I woke up
A though about you makes me go
Your speak brings honest smile upon my face
Your love washes away my depression

Your grammar mistakes make me laugh
When you say ‘I love you’
I just melt
You do it the best

Beeping you turn on the beat
Knowing you there may be
When we talk my butterflies turn crazy
And my stomach isn’t lazy

Even I haven’t seen your face
This feeling beast my dreams
Your touch lifts me up
Your feelings make me fly

When you’re not here
Sky is sad
When we are apart
Heavens cry

With you I feel my day
Then a breath I take
Whisper your name
Knowing you are there

I close my eyes to dream
And I feel... I feel peace
You come in
And give me a kiss

'Let me be'

Help me now
Hold my hand
Help me now - i can’t live
Help me now - I’m too weak
Too weak to lift my eyes up
My eyes to see the world
To see you and see me
To feel you and feel me

Blame me for all the things went wrong
Blame me i wasn't strong
Blame me i wasn't there
There to help you
Blame me I’m to weak
Blame me i didn't pray
Blame me i didn't want to see
To see the reality

Hit me
Break me
Tear me apart
Tie me somewhere
Make me go away
All you want
Whatever you need - just do it now
Do it - i deserve it

Put it all on me
I take it - i won’t handle it
God will - i can’t do it
I can’t live
Just to die and be gone
For you - not to see me suffer
Let me go away
So i could be your angel

when i go to sleep
i want to feel your breath on me
i want to feel your heartbeat next to mine
i want you to hold me tight
to hold me tight
and never let me go

when i fall asleep
i want to wake up in the middle of a night
i want to listen you breathing
and feel your heartbeating
i want to feel your arms around me
arms that will never let me go

i want to know do you want it
i want to know do you want me
i want to know do you love me
i want to know will you wait for me
i want to know will my dream come true
i want to know will we be together forever

i want you to know
my love for you is strong
my love will last forever
my love will wait
my love will hold on in hard times
my love will be there for you

all i want is you to be happy
even for a price to let you go
and bury me to death
i take the pain for you
i drawn in tears so you could live
i take it all just so you could BE

just i want to know
do you take this love for you
do you want it as i do
tell me what should i do
i just want to know
i just want to know

i miss when we've been happy
i miss when we have smiled
i miss when we get along
i miss when we sang the songs

i miss the days when we were joking
i miss the days spent on talking
i miss the days we played forever
i miss the days we prayed together

i hate the days when i cry hours
i hate the days without love
i hate the days with no voice
i hate the days without happiness

i wish i could sleep
i wish i could sing
i wish we could love each other
i wish we could be together

just stop this life
just start loving again
just find things used to be
i just want them back

don't destroy me for your mistakes
you can't change the past
live this moment in full
be thankful for it

let things be their way
don't try to change
bring back the flowers
i want to feel the colors again

Changeing life... Waithing on love...

There are things that need to be inside of us forever, there are things needed to be said out loud... Even tho this is personal, i feel like sharing it with you, maybe helping you with this or anything...
Most of the ppl know how to say something to other one, we are ready to say things before we think about it. I am one of those. Anything i think i will tell it, even i know it may cause trouble and pain. And what happens next? I get a negative answer, get hurt, fall in depression... etc...
We all want to talk, to express our thoughts, feelings, but none of us is ready to except a 'NO'. It is always better to say negative things on good way. Does it makes sense to you? Here is an example... You talk to someone, ask for something, there comes a negative answer. But instead of saying just a 'NO', you say 'Sorry, right now i can't do it' or something like that, you put a small smile on your face, and it is better.
Why is so hard to except a negative answer? People are to proud, spoiled, selfish... I don't wanna hurt anyone, but ppl are... I am one of those as well... I am 1st one of those who need to be changed. I tell things wanting everyone to except it and everything be fine, but its not. Everyone has it own will and opinion and i need to learn to except it the way it is. I mean, i can except it, but a while after it, i collapse in small sadness 'its not the way i planed, i thought it will be, i wish to be'... Tho I put others in front of me, and care so little about me, i still have problem of excepting a negative answer, even if it is said on good way.
Lay on other, not you? It is a way good decision to be made. If God says 'NO' it always end up good. How come? Don't you know that every storm has its end? After every rain comes sun? After every desert, there is water to fill up your thirst? Yes it is. There are 2 kinds of ppl, those who say to God :'Let it be as you want', and those whom God tell:'Let it be as you want'. IF God says 'yes' on the thing you want you will get hurt, you will suffer and then ask why didn't God protect you from failure. Than there is a way when God says 'no' and give you something better instead of the thing you asked for, he gives you that rain in hot desert... But you get mad on him telling why you didn't give me that and this, you know how much i want it and how much i prayed for it etc... Also, there is a way when God says 'wait'. In that case he gives you the best. He uses you to form you the way you will except the gift in the best way. He will let a lot of things happen to you, even pain sometimes, just to learn to lay on Him, depend on Him. Than you will be ready to take the best blessing in your life. I need to be formed, I need pain, I need change 1st. Day by day I keep praying to be used by Him.
I have an issue. I need to feel that i belong, that i am loved by someone. I search my own after love, relationship. WRONG, i know it, but still i can't stop. I just want to feel it on my skin... you know... everyone does... But i need to learn to except all those direct 'no'-s that i get every time, i need to learn not to suffer, i need to learn to wait. I am glad that God didn't let me do stupid things, and told just once 'yes' on my stupidity... I am glad that he keeps saying 'no' to me, but i need to learn to except it.
I know if i wait he will give me a perfect person to love and be loved from. I know he will give me one beyond my expectations and wantthings, he will give me the most perfect person for me, my needs, he will give me someone i will love till eternity, each day more and more, even when i grow old, and cant see the one, feel him, he will still love me because who i am, not how i look, and i will love him for the same things... i know there is a perfect love waiting one me somewhere. Someone who will bless my life, i will feel safe, protected, that i belong, and that i am so loved. I need to learn to wait on Gods will, on the person he wants to give me. Tho i want it right now, right here, i know God has its own time.
its so strange to see that i have written 3 different blogs about relationships, and 3 different perspectives and things to be learned to do... ( http://startofsomethingnew777.blogspot.com/2009/09/perfect-relationship.html on the bottom of that blog 'perfect relationship' you will find a link to the 1st blog about relationships. weird i know.)I wonder how many more will be written till i learn my lesson and get my gift, my loved one... My love grows each day, waiting to explode and be showed to one. And i am glad i live a multiple love each day. Love for God, love for human, love for things God gave me.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
If you love someone, you will be loyal to him no mater what the cost. You will always believe in him, always expect the best of him, and always stand your ground in defending him.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pzNyvnC2-1k

September Conference

Sadly i couldn't come one both of conference days, just in Sunday, but it brought me a lot of blessings.
The subject of conference was "New vine, new wineskin" and the subject of tribune was "New people, new mission". The preacher was Toma Magda from Croatia.
In the morning he thought from the book of Luke, chapter 5:33-39 where it says: They said to him, "John's disciples often fast and pray, and so do the disciples of the Pharisees, but yours go on eating and drinking." Jesus answered, "Can you make the guests of the bridegroom fast while he is with them? But the time will come when the bridegroom will be taken from them; in those days they will fast." He told them this parable: "No one tears a patch from a new garment and sews it on an old one. If he does, he will have torn the new garment, and the patch from the new will not match the old. And no one pours new wine into old wineskins. If he does, the new wine will burst the skins, the wine will run out and the wineskins will be ruined. No, new wine must be poured into new wineskins. And no one after drinking old wine wants the new, for he says, 'The old is better.'

It doesn't says that old i bad, old-fashioned people aren't good, they are, but they are not capable to except things like new people does. We have other priorities, but if we seek God -wineskin- we all suppose to live like one wine, not to mix it, but to find a way to work together. We have to go out and bring new people to church, but put it in surrounding to feel comfortable. That is why church needs healthy elders, youth, prayer hours and so on. And those together make a good wine. Well, in nature when you mix new and old wine it gets sour and bad, but if you mix generation in church it can bring only good thing out. New ideas with wise old experience can just improve things, not make it bad.


Afternoon Toma thought about John 5:1-15 which says: Some time later, Jesus went up to Jerusalem for a feast of the Jews. Now there is in Jerusalem near the Sheep Gate a pool, which in Aramaic is called Bethesda and which is surrounded by five covered colonnades. Here a great number of disabled people used to lie—the blind, the lame, the paralyzed. One who was there had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, "Do you want to get well?" "Sir," the invalid replied, "I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me." Then Jesus said to him, "Get up! Pick up your mat and walk." At once the man was cured; he picked up his mat and walked. The day on which this took place was a Sabbath, and so the Jews said to the man who had been healed, "It is the Sabbath; the law forbids you to carry your mat." But he replied, "The man who made me well said to me, 'Pick up your mat and walk.' " So they asked him, "Who is this fellow who told you to pick it up and walk?" The man who was healed had no idea who it was, for Jesus had slipped away into the crowd that was there. Later Jesus found him at the temple and said to him, "See, you are well again. Stop sinning or something worse may happen to you." The man went away and told the Jews that it was Jesus who had made him well.

Jesus doesn't asks what kind of shoes we wear, clothing, what color is our hair... No, He clearly tells us each day what we should do, how to follow him. He doesn't needs excuses like : I'm weak, I don't know how to talk, I'm shy... He will provide anything that we need to fulfill His will in us. He will abnormally bless you if you are willing to fallow Him trough anything. He speaks to you in many many ways, if you listen, and don't make excuses, He will lead you to many blessings in your life.


In meanwhile, there was a tribune. The main point was to make our daily life a mission. Not the mission as people take it in way that you send someone in foreign country and never see him/her again, or it is not a job of preachers or pastor or people on that kind of positions. Mission is our relationship with God, in doing His will. It is based on commandment : Go and make all people my disciples. But it is bigger than only this. Your whole lifestyle should be centered on doing Gods will in your life, thinking of Him, praying to Him, praise Him , obey Him each an every second of your life. Real ministry is living with God, showing others in our life who is Christ and what He did in us and for us, telling them our testimony, praying for them... Living for God is the only way of doing real ministry, without Him we can talk in empty, like talking to wall or something like it. Without God we are nothing.
I wanna ask you something. Are you ready today to stand up, and raise your voice to God telling Him you will live for Him each day and second, that you will go and speak up about Him not being ashamed of it? Are you ready to move from you well-known place and shelter to go outside in world and talk about God? If you decide so, know He will be with you, bless you, because you are doing His will.

May God bless you all a lot.
Dorotea Santo

A perfect relationship

Today most of the young people are looking for the perfect person to fall in love with, to be with, share life with. Most of them are looking just for permanent adventure, love, just someone to kill time with. No, love is greater than that.
Humans are meant to be social beings... We need each other each moment of our lives, even we admit it or not. We need to talk, to feel, laugh, be sad, touch, just hang out with... There are people who easily fall in love or just feel love, but there are those who can never experience a sense of love.
Sometimes the fact that you are friend with someone not means much to us. We get across it and just leave it there... This fast life make us rush and don't pay attention on the real values. Most of us are frustrated and just want to get the best for our self, don't caring how are others. Sadly, there are lot of jealous, envy , mad...people who will do anything just to get to the imagined finish... There is a lot of pain in each relation... If you have a strong friendship nothing can come across it. And from a strong friendship between two sex it can grow in a beautiful relationship.
I again choose relationships coz i believe they are most valued, prefect, needed part of our being. Relationship, being friendship or more, is sensitive thing, like tiny ice near fire, or fire near ocean...
Perfection... something that human can't be... We all wanna reach it in lot of ways, trying to get the best, our imaginative ideals and stuff like it... No, we can never reach perfection. There is a difference between perfection and dream. We can fulfill our dreams but will never reach perfection, only God is perfect. Tho He made us by His image, we are born like sinners and we can't be perfect. We get a gift of eternal life from Him by His mercy, we cannot earn is with good deeds or something else, it is ONLY and JUST gift of mercy... A wise man told once: "God has created you and me with this vacancy inside that can only be filled with something eternal; something that has no ending. And that's why that hole in your heart has never really gone away. Friendships end, romances end, even marriages, by death or divorce end. And every pleasure ends; every experience ends. And our heart gets tired of saying again, "It's over." God made you for something perennial - something that's never over!"
Whatever it's a relationship, or finances, or a ministry goal, or getting justice, or meeting a need - wherever you're tempted to try to make it happen - don't. Just remember those blossoms whose instincts told them it was time when it wasn't. If it's blooming too soon, it probably won't make it. But in God's time - which is probably later than yours - in His time, it will be beautiful.
Back to relationships... You can have you imagination of the perfect one, but in the end God decides about anything. HE will let you love and be loved by someone if you seek Him 1st and fallow His words. He don't want you to suffer, and if you get in any kind of relationship which will end up with pain, don't blame Him, you are the one who messed up. God will give you everything you ask for, anything you need, but in His time. You can have all the fun, love, touches given by your true friends, don't search for romances. Romance will come by it self, and when it comes you will know it. Heaven will sing with you, Bible verses will tell it so, you will feel it, you will just know it by peace, happiness, blessing you feel. But you have to know to make a difference between all those when they happen by Devil or God. God let Devil give us some of those feeling time to time, but it is a lot different when God gives us those. But if you truly and deeply seek God, you will just know it and you wont suffer, you will be truly, deeply, unconditionally blessed every second of your life.

See also http://startofsomethingnew777.blogspot.com/2009/08/purify-me.html

Wishing you all the best, good luck.
Dorotea Santo

Purify me...

...trough flames, from ashes make me shine as gold... (something to listen while you read... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyFxArMeRDI )

Time to time we all need a turning spot. Day by day we are given a lot of possibilities, such as choosing clothes, food, drink, what will we do, where go and whit who will we be etc etc etc... There are so many paths on which we can go, question is: Will we chose the right one? Probably not. The Bible says there wasn't and wont be a perfect man on this Earth except Jesus. We all had sinned and will commit sin in future. Sin, what is sin? Sin is something that doesn't please God.
We as Christians are focused to live for God and live it with Him. We try to please Him with good acts. But that is not all what He needs. He wants us all, but still HE isn't selfish. He is our Father and He madly wants to be with us, always in everything.
I want to share with you a story how God uses others to bring us closer to Him, how He uses pain to make us clean. Sometimes he needs to chisel us hard to can get out the dirt that is inside of us, and that hurts, hurts a hell lot...

There was a girl who suffered a lot, has scars that will never heal. She even that lives with God, she haven't had strong relationship with Him, and had fallen a lot. Right when she needed someone, Gods child, a boy who is strong in prayer, having visions and talking thongs comes into her life. In top of all, they had amazing time together, having fun, peace, comfort... In time when she needs love, she gets it, forgetting Gods will. He helps her a lot, God really used his life to heal some things, help her understanding some, helping her grow for sure. At the end she felt it right, being led by emotions. God lights up the match... But, Devil says: It is just a match, you can handle it... She keeps going her way, believing it is from God, he encourages her telling her the same thing. He just please her and making her hear things she would like to hear. God comes and lights the candle, but Devil says: HE just helps you to see it is the correct way to go, you see. You two will walk in light of God together with this candle... She wanted to start the relationship... When she was on the way to that point, God pushes the candle and lights up the room shes in. Her friends keep telling you it is wrong. She feels something is wrong and remembers to seek God. God never leaves us. She saw what she did and she came back before it was too late. Even that one man is hurt, its better than breaking vows, many lives and leaving scars.

(more to listen... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pFwZ7Ekg080& )

God finds a way to call as back to Him. Even we walk away from Him, doesn't feel Him, He is there, holding us all the time. Bible says : Even if mother leaves her child, my God will never leave me. If we don't want to listen God, he will kick us and make us turn back. Pain is a turning point when most of us remember that God is still there.
We as people are made to give and receive love, that need is natural. BUT we need to be sure that we choose our partner carefully, to be with one that God has for us, there is no turning back from that path - 'Until death sets us apart.'
In 1 John 4 it says: 7 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We all need love because we are created to love. God knows it and understands it, and therefor he says in Matthew 6 : 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. God reminds us also in Ecclesiastes 12 : 13 Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man. For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil. WE have to pay attention on every our move, thought or act, everything. It is natural to love but I learned there is a process to be done before getting into relationship. You need to seek God with your future partner first, when you feel emotions in you, don't talk a while whit each other, and fast with God and seek His word. Get a bunch of verses as confirmation so one day when you get in problem with your partner you wont say: it was mistake that I've done this, but you will shove the verses again telling: this is why God put us together. If you feel any kind of pushing or fear or uncomfortableness in any second with your partner it is not from God. God just wants all the best for you. He wont let you suffer in any second. He will give you more than you ever needed, He will continue to bless you trough your partner if you seek him/her from God. You know : God bless those who bless His people. IF you seek God even in and with your partner, and do Gods will in you two, you two will bless God and not even Him, you will bless others too. Gods will will be fulfilled in you two and He will bless you both.
Something that helped me out after this... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gUykqETc0XQ

Please don't act like this : 14 We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. ( Romans 7)
Remember to seek God first and everything else will be added to us.
God bless you all,
Dorotea Santo

Who am I? - Kanjiža, Serbia, 13th-22nd July

At first expression I thought I got there by accident, I have had problems and didn't know will I make it there. I did. And now I know that wasn't accident that I've been there. God has majestic plans with each one of us. Nothing happens with accident, there is time for each action, each thing in our life.
Beside Serbian and Hungarian teenagers and leaders we had teachers (missionarys) from Romania, England and Texas. We created friendships that will last for a lifetime. Some of them had fallen in love too.
Each day was filled with different activities, in each of it God was there and blessed us. We had morning worship, Bible and English classes, after lunch we went swimming or doing some handwork, making bracelet or dolls, we had evening worship where God touched us all so much. We all were crying on each others shoulder and praying, praising our Lord, we were filled with Spirit, He changed our lifes. I have to mention the competition we had between 2 groups of teens. We had scavenger hunt made of 3 parts. 1st time we went to Kneževac, town near Kanjiža, where we had to find 8 buildings each. 2nd time we went to Adorjan or Martonoš, where we had to find one church each group. 3rd time we all went to Horgoš, near the border with Hungary, where we had 6 buildings to find, we were walking on 'noones land' near border also, some of the people meet the police on the way... Everything went well on the end, just we got a bit sunburned, but we don't mind. One evening we went on Paintball and got a small marks, but the feeling and memories wont fade even that those bruises will... Last night we had camp fire and incredible few hour worship under the stars, watching them with tears in our eyes, praising the creation of our God.
As you could see, the subject of this camp was 'Who am I?' God spoke to us trough few teachers about that. Many lives got changed trough it, few teens shared their testimonies, and we were witnesses of Gods incredible plan and work in each of us. We all learned how to change our self-picture on better. We have to look on us trough Gods eyes and trough his Holy Word. 'For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.' Romans 12:3 We have to see our self as we are, may it is hard or not, we need to do it. WE have to KNOW who we are, BE who we are and DO things as we are. Don't try to compare your self with your friend, if you live as he/she does than who will live for you? We are expensive, if we were in a store, our price tag would say, "the blood of Jesus." We are covered by His blood, and because of that, we are priceless We are wonderfully made by image of our God, we are made to love others and be loved by them, just as we are, with no changes. Maybe you think you are not worthy, but God thinks you are worth dieing for, and he gave his only son to die for you and give you eternal life. Trough that we can say that we are mighty warriors of his. 'When the angel of the LORD appeared to Gideon, he said, "The LORD is with you, mighty warrior." Judges 6:12 We are special to God, we are not too young or too old for his purpose, we are just perfect for God. David was scared and young, Moses didn't know to speak but they were perfect for God as they were. We are wonderfully made - Psalm 139. we as person have 3 bases to live healthy: 1- we belong somewhere and we are unconditionally loved, 2- we are important and 3- feel possible to fit in among the others. If one of those is missing we can not function well and our spiritual person will fall down. We are filled with Holy Spirit and nothing can't take it from us, but the question is how often will we be filled with it and how much. WE can do anything in God who gives us straight.
All we need to do day by day is to spend time with God and seek His will in our life first. From that we will see what God wants from us, how to live, what to do, and WHO WE ARE. God is all we need in our life.

God bless you all,
Dorotea Santo