Youth now days does not have a proper education of love, love life, sex. Schools teach some things, but they don’t teach was it was originally created for, what does it really mean and how to value it properly. Youth today is pushed by media a way lot more than it should. Media has huge impact and they lose themselves in it. Most of them think violence is OK, social differences, swearing, being impolite etc, don’t mentioning the relationships, love and sex. People in churches don’t like to talk about it, even parents, all they can say to Christian youth is:" don’t", but they don’t talk, like argumenting things and giving perspectives and opinions.
It is normal that we get attracted to the other sex. We are created to be together and live together. But, it can be a big temptation and lead into sin. It can lead to lust and to watching porn, having sex, trying all kinds of sexual immorality. Did you know that there are 25 different diseases that you can get by having sex? Did you know that more than 25% of search results are related to porn? Average year of starting to be porn addict is 11 and 90% of 8-16 year old boys and girls are addicted to porn? 72% of porn addicts are male and 28% females. In one year there are 400 movies recorded in Hollywood but in LA 11 000 pornographic movies. It is sad to see that people pay more attention on fake satisfaction than to real life. Did you know that each time you feel glad your brain exude dopamine hormone. It can be exuded by eating something, watching, practicing, taking something. By watching porn, your brain gets addicted to it and you slowly won’t be able to enjoy real life sex. Same is when you masturbate. Your body and brain gets used to something and you will need more and different thing to get the same feeling. There are a lot of porn addicts who said that they watched everything that could be watched, all kinds of porn, violent, with animals, kids, same sex, all kinds of things and now, there is nothing that can satisfy them. Mad does not realize how painful it is to their partner to know their man is addicted to porn, that they love the virtual girl more than flash and bone near you. Researches show that woman start to watch pornography just so they could know how to try to please their man. You have to understand that woman in porn videos are treated like stuff and most of it can’t be true what is happening there. Living in porn is like living in fantasy land. But that land has side effects like getting your hormones upside down in the way they should not me. When you masturbate to it, it affects your brain like some drug. But in other hand, getting rid of this addiction is a lot lot harder than getting rid of drugs. (I’m not saying that you should rather use drugs than :D ) Maybe porn looks like perfect way to get to orgasm, like you can relax, don’t pay attention to yourself, your looks, will you do it wrong or hurt someone but it is wrong. There is a confession of one porn addict, he said he tried it all, got immune to it and he can’t get to orgasm now, plus he can’t get rid of that addiction. One girl said:” How can a normal real woman with flesh, skin, pores, natural breasts and sexual needs her own compete with cyber visual of perfection that is downloadable whenever you need it?”
Also, when we look the other perspective of our kind of twisted culture, youth today gets sexually active real soon. Most of the Christians also don’t wait marriage to get sexually active. Males are more likely to get active before girls. The problem starts because man does not want to get emotionally connected or get responsible in any way. Than girls just so they could have some of the boys get in all kinds of combinations just to please them and try to get them for themselves, hoping they could keep them for a while just for them. That is how the hook up culture gets started. You have 4 bases in it. 1st you like start deep kissing, touching with someone, than you get oral sex. 3rd if you want you get all the way and lastly you get to know each other’s names. For me that is sick. One of the students admitted to her professor on some of the universities in America: ”Girls never admit the emotional pain of having a casual sex, mostly because they are deeply ashamed of letting this happen and because of admitting that they are attracted to their partner. They don’t want to wake up next morning and realizing their partner doesn’t even knows their name and don’t care about them at all. They don’t want anyone to see their tears and sadness.” Boys, you should treat your girl like princess, you should hold her like a drop on your hand, and as Christ gave all to his church, his bride, you should give all to your spouse.
In Bible God uses a word “pornea” that represents all kinds of sexual immorality. He knew if he writes like sex, oral sex, porn addict, sex with kids and stuff, someone will invent other kinds of immorality and will say:” Look, Bible does not mention it, than it is good to do”, and then everyone will rush to it living in sin. You know, any kind of sexual activity, even touching in some way is sin if it is outside of marriage. Even if you say like, we are only friends with benefits – it is sin. Plus, not only that being friends with benefits is sin, but one of you or both of you will get hurt. Your brain prepositions are like that, that when you enjoy each other’s company once, your dopamine will want it more, and you cannot do anything about it to change it, it is like it. So, benefits do not exist. And if you think that having oral sex is not sex, or like by having oral sex you will stay virgin – sorry, you are wrong. Oral sex is sex; it has that ‘sex’ part in it. It has that connection and sharing your body, emotions, and dopamine rush in your brain. It will not leave you the same ever again. Yes, you can repent and start again by not doing it anymore, but I’m afraid, it will never just go away and forget about it in whole. God can renew your heart and mind, but your dopamine will remember it. Even if you said like, we just talked like it (hot chat) and shared few photos, like, showed each other’s body on picture or web cam. Well yes, you had virtual sex than and it is still considered like sin. So please, try to stay out of any trouble.
IF WE WANT TO KNOW WHAT MOST SACRED IN THE WORLD IS, WE HAVE TO LOOK WHAT IS MOST CRUSHED IN WORLD.
We are not born to destroy what is made holy. Gods plan wasn’t for us to live in all kinds of sexual sin. He made sex holy union of man and woman compared to union of man and God. Having sex should be a glimpse of a taste of intimacy between man and God in heaven. There is a word 1st time used in creation of Adam and Eve, word YADA that means “to know, to be known, to be appreciated”. Yada between man and woman is almost the same as yada between creature and creator. It is deep connection that should not be ruined. It is more than obvious how yada refers to connection of God and man, but sadly, we don’t understand nor practice that in marriages. It has to be more than friendship, more than relationship, more than sharing life, sharing minds, sharing bodies, more than dating, loving, caring, it is more than giving your selves, your body, soul, desire, feelings, giving all of you, your deepest intimacy. It is so much more than just having a rush of emotions, desires, feelings and dopamine. Yada should be holy connection between. Once you understand how big and important yada is, your life won’t be the same anymore. Sex, including yada connection in it, should be complete deep connection two naked, bare, pure souls, minds, bodies without any secret or shame. It should be covered by true deep care, affection, understanding. That is why it is called making love to someone. It is not called making love to yourself. And you have to understand the word ‘making’ in all this. Because it is not something that will just happen whenever, wherever, when you 1st see each other. ‘Making’ is process that takes time to get to it. It takes true, honest, deep friendship on beginning, followed by dating, engagement, marriage, and still, to be worked on it till you get to making love part. Try to understand what Bible says, that we are one body in Christ. Our soul is one with God by Holy Spirit. Your body is a temple of God. So try to imagine how holy it should be to lay down with your partner. Uniting two holy, pure, temples of God. I’m not sure if I made myself clear, or did I said it right, but for me, making love in marriage is something so big, holy thing that I cannot express myself.
One girl shared with me a story of her life. She was in nice relationship that started to be violent. Later on her partner raped her and got her pregnant. She didn’t want to do abortion and her partner didn’t want to keep the baby so he beat her and she lost her child. She barely got out of that relationship. Later on she needed a lot to work on simple things like hug and trust. She tried to get over it by having sex with some other boys. Casual sex hurts, virtual sex hurts, hot chat, benefits, it all hurts. She confessed that she was a porn addict as well. She could not get orgasm by having sex anymore; she hardly could get orgasm by masturbation. It was even hard to get to it by combining sex, porn and masturbation. Now she is afraid of any kind of relationship, trying to stay pure and trying to keep her desire to satisfy her future husband only by doing it right, pure and holy.
Today is hard to stay pure and don’t fall in temptations. But we need to stay together in it, to pray and support each other and confess things to each other so we could get better help and support. It is hard, real hard and I know how it feels, but try to seek God and pray a lot, read. Bible is full of love storied, pure ones and bad ones from which we can learn. We have to lay down our lives and trust to God.
Songs of Solomon 2:7b - Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.
Wishing you all the best,
Doroeta
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