I don’t know have you ever had that feeling. Sometimes I feel like im two persons trapped in one. There are people who seem to know me on one way and other who just seem to know my other half. I wonder, is there really two of me? I know that im capable of building some kind of shield around me, not letting others to see who I really am and how do I really feel and think. But does that shield create other new me that I don’t know about?
In last 2 months my life turned upside down. I lost my home, family, friends, I lost my self. I expected too much from the new start. You can read about it in my last blog. In fact, I ruined my self to the point ive became someone I hated before in me. I got back to my old love, habits I never thought ill see again. Anyway, so far I failed 2 exams. And some other stuff happened. Everyone expect from me that I will be in bad mood. You know what? This sick as I am now, I woke up, danced in pajama, singed to first thing I got in my hand. My roommate was laughing so hard when she saw me. I don’t care. I am in love with life, laugh, love. I know my father is here to pick me up, hold me tight, dry my tears and say; ‘I am here, I love you, don’t worry. ‘
this time it is something short, its 1am and im just too excited to write anything else than this :D
have fun
Nov 29, 2011
Oct 31, 2011
I had a dream
I had a dream
When I got accepted in this school I knew God wants me here. I knew He had such a big plan for me here. I couldn’t wait to see what will happen. I knew that the situation in my town was bad and I knew I had some friends here and many churches to go and some organizations to join in and I was so delighted to start all of it.
First day of my arrival was ok, I cleaned everything, moved in and cleaned it again. Later on I read a whole book. I went to bed early but I couldn’t fall asleep coz of the noises outside. Finally I did and woke up early next morning. I went to service at Baptist church and I was so surprised that only my relatives and one person came to great me. I knew most of them for years but none noticed me. After bored afternoon I met with Kerstin, girl from Germany and went to HZ church with her. I have never been there before for service and I never saw those people before but few of them came to greet me. I felt a bit better, but still disappointed in Novi Sad. Lectures came next day and I met few of my colleagues. Few of girls are very fun so I stick up with them since then. The whole week and still do, I feel a bit lonely. From all that youth in Novi Sad I find as I can’t rely on none of them, like really rely on someone. Maybe I expected too much for the beginning, like my life would change from day to day, but I see as youth here and most of the churches aren’t in the best position like my church back home. I wish I could visit my home more often. I miss my parents bouncing on my head and all my pets and security of my room. I was lonely there as well, but at least I knew I am safe.
Life here is faster than back home. I get up, read, do some things around and I get going. I eat in menza and it takes a bit of my time. My apartment is nice and on good position. I have the bus stations for city buses close, and if I’m walking, it takes me around 10-15minutes to 3 churches and same to my school and around 20-25minutes to center of the town. Plus, I have nice view from my windows :D .
When my roommate arrived, she didn’t know I was here, so it took us a bit of time to get used to each other. Now we are talking normally when we see each other but usually we write notes. She works a lot and my schedule is a bit strange so we barely see each other. Almost each evening I take a walk somewhere, alone, or I try to find someone to go with me. I just can’t stand to be alone in my apartment. I don’t have internet and I don’t plan on getting it in, it cost a lot. The lonely silence of my room at evening and night scares me, so I try to avoid it as much as I can. My mom dislikes it, she calls me every evening to see how am I doing. She thinks it is a waste of time and I should be studying, that’s why I’m here. But, at the end of the day I’m not capable of studying, maybe just to do some reading and being lonely here just doesn’t feel good.
In 1st week of being here in Novi Sad I got a job, to shoot for VOX magazine. And no, I won’t get payment for it, again. I joined Focus organization, I plan on attending EUS meetings, I will try to go to Timsus youth meetings once a week and my cousin leads a girl Bible study group at Baptist church once a week. Also I met few boys who study theology here so I want to try to meet them more and spend some time with them. Maybe I’m just trying to keep myself busy as much as I can so I could not think much and have less free time. Still, in all of this, I miss few of my friends back home. And I miss talking to my abroad friends on internet. I hate how much impact facebook has in our lives. I feel so cut off the happenings and some of my friends without visiting their page. But now as I don’t use it, I can see that maybe none of them were my friends actually. I see how just few of them are messaging me on my phone to see how am I doing and to tell me what happened with them. This first month my phone bill will be big as I tried to find myself up in this, where to go and how to do some things here, but I know next month will be better coz I got used to this running a bit.
And there you go. One month passed and there is no change in my life. I got used to this city, I am lonelier than ever, I miss things that I never thought I will. There is one thing I learnt for sure: to sing praises while I’m walking in city, more to pray and to read again each morning.
When I got accepted in this school I knew God wants me here. I knew He had such a big plan for me here. I couldn’t wait to see what will happen. I knew that the situation in my town was bad and I knew I had some friends here and many churches to go and some organizations to join in and I was so delighted to start all of it.
First day of my arrival was ok, I cleaned everything, moved in and cleaned it again. Later on I read a whole book. I went to bed early but I couldn’t fall asleep coz of the noises outside. Finally I did and woke up early next morning. I went to service at Baptist church and I was so surprised that only my relatives and one person came to great me. I knew most of them for years but none noticed me. After bored afternoon I met with Kerstin, girl from Germany and went to HZ church with her. I have never been there before for service and I never saw those people before but few of them came to greet me. I felt a bit better, but still disappointed in Novi Sad. Lectures came next day and I met few of my colleagues. Few of girls are very fun so I stick up with them since then. The whole week and still do, I feel a bit lonely. From all that youth in Novi Sad I find as I can’t rely on none of them, like really rely on someone. Maybe I expected too much for the beginning, like my life would change from day to day, but I see as youth here and most of the churches aren’t in the best position like my church back home. I wish I could visit my home more often. I miss my parents bouncing on my head and all my pets and security of my room. I was lonely there as well, but at least I knew I am safe.
Life here is faster than back home. I get up, read, do some things around and I get going. I eat in menza and it takes a bit of my time. My apartment is nice and on good position. I have the bus stations for city buses close, and if I’m walking, it takes me around 10-15minutes to 3 churches and same to my school and around 20-25minutes to center of the town. Plus, I have nice view from my windows :D .
When my roommate arrived, she didn’t know I was here, so it took us a bit of time to get used to each other. Now we are talking normally when we see each other but usually we write notes. She works a lot and my schedule is a bit strange so we barely see each other. Almost each evening I take a walk somewhere, alone, or I try to find someone to go with me. I just can’t stand to be alone in my apartment. I don’t have internet and I don’t plan on getting it in, it cost a lot. The lonely silence of my room at evening and night scares me, so I try to avoid it as much as I can. My mom dislikes it, she calls me every evening to see how am I doing. She thinks it is a waste of time and I should be studying, that’s why I’m here. But, at the end of the day I’m not capable of studying, maybe just to do some reading and being lonely here just doesn’t feel good.
In 1st week of being here in Novi Sad I got a job, to shoot for VOX magazine. And no, I won’t get payment for it, again. I joined Focus organization, I plan on attending EUS meetings, I will try to go to Timsus youth meetings once a week and my cousin leads a girl Bible study group at Baptist church once a week. Also I met few boys who study theology here so I want to try to meet them more and spend some time with them. Maybe I’m just trying to keep myself busy as much as I can so I could not think much and have less free time. Still, in all of this, I miss few of my friends back home. And I miss talking to my abroad friends on internet. I hate how much impact facebook has in our lives. I feel so cut off the happenings and some of my friends without visiting their page. But now as I don’t use it, I can see that maybe none of them were my friends actually. I see how just few of them are messaging me on my phone to see how am I doing and to tell me what happened with them. This first month my phone bill will be big as I tried to find myself up in this, where to go and how to do some things here, but I know next month will be better coz I got used to this running a bit.
And there you go. One month passed and there is no change in my life. I got used to this city, I am lonelier than ever, I miss things that I never thought I will. There is one thing I learnt for sure: to sing praises while I’m walking in city, more to pray and to read again each morning.
Sep 9, 2011
I still believe in love
1st Corinthians 13: 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails.
Guys, when did you treated your gall with a respect last time? When did you open the door for her, hold her something, carried something? When did you bought a flower to her? When did you came to her, and just pull her close to you to enjoy the nearness of her heart beat? When did you put your hand in her hair and just play along, staring in her eyes? When did you last time let her crawl near you and snuggle in to you, slowly and gently playing with your fingertips and hand?
I wonder where did dating gone? Is there a man who will call a gall out for a walk, ice cream, popcorn, dinner? Where are nights spent on the blanket just staring in the sky and talking? What happened with kissing a hand and kissing a forehead, nose? When did boys stop whispering? IS ROMANS DEAD?
Today boys call girls a lot of names. But more than anything, I still long to hear a boy saying sweetheart, my love, baby, honey, dear... Not as serbs say to girl cat (catwoman), fish, little... Guys, there are words that are not offensive when you say it to a girl... -.-
Call me old-fashioned (maybe I am) but I still believe there will be a man who will treat me right. Who will maybe ask a permission from my parents to date me, who will wait for at least 3rd date to kiss me, who will love me and be proud of me and will tell all his friends that I am his girl. I still believe that 'for better or worst, till death do us part' exist. I still believe there is someone who can make me smile, with who I feel safe, protected, strong and confident. I still believe there is a guy who will make me feel like a princess. I still believe there is a man whom I will love day by day more and more and will date him till I live. I still believe there is a man who will love me for who I am and not for what I look like. (if you want just a look, than date a fashion magazine and talk to pictures in it...) I still believe that there is a man, who will be my best friend, a husband and a lover at same time. I dont ask for much, just respect and kindness. I dont need presents and expensive things... Will you die if you get a single rose to a girl from time to time?
Maybe I am a dreamer, but Im not the only one... I will never stop dreaming...
Guys, when did you treated your gall with a respect last time? When did you open the door for her, hold her something, carried something? When did you bought a flower to her? When did you came to her, and just pull her close to you to enjoy the nearness of her heart beat? When did you put your hand in her hair and just play along, staring in her eyes? When did you last time let her crawl near you and snuggle in to you, slowly and gently playing with your fingertips and hand?
I wonder where did dating gone? Is there a man who will call a gall out for a walk, ice cream, popcorn, dinner? Where are nights spent on the blanket just staring in the sky and talking? What happened with kissing a hand and kissing a forehead, nose? When did boys stop whispering? IS ROMANS DEAD?
Today boys call girls a lot of names. But more than anything, I still long to hear a boy saying sweetheart, my love, baby, honey, dear... Not as serbs say to girl cat (catwoman), fish, little... Guys, there are words that are not offensive when you say it to a girl... -.-
Call me old-fashioned (maybe I am) but I still believe there will be a man who will treat me right. Who will maybe ask a permission from my parents to date me, who will wait for at least 3rd date to kiss me, who will love me and be proud of me and will tell all his friends that I am his girl. I still believe that 'for better or worst, till death do us part' exist. I still believe there is someone who can make me smile, with who I feel safe, protected, strong and confident. I still believe there is a guy who will make me feel like a princess. I still believe there is a man whom I will love day by day more and more and will date him till I live. I still believe there is a man who will love me for who I am and not for what I look like. (if you want just a look, than date a fashion magazine and talk to pictures in it...) I still believe that there is a man, who will be my best friend, a husband and a lover at same time. I dont ask for much, just respect and kindness. I dont need presents and expensive things... Will you die if you get a single rose to a girl from time to time?
Maybe I am a dreamer, but Im not the only one... I will never stop dreaming...
Aug 31, 2011
Greater than that
Yes, I am greater than that. For I am made unique, for one man, for joy not sorrow. I am made to serve. I am made to obey and listen. I am made to respect and to be pure. I am made gentle and with quiet spirit. I am made to be a partner not a leader. (I Peter 3)
Girls, let me ask you, what happened to us? We used to be humble, gentle, caring, serving woman, never complaining about doing things for others, putting us aside? Why do we try to rule above man, above leaders, above stronger sex? Why we try to become something that we can not be? We are not created to be that way. In that rush we just try things and do things we shouldn't do. Let me tell you this: turn back to your roots.
I was watching tonight the stars and just been quiet and thoughts were just rushing into my head. My last few blogs about relationships are the proof what was I or what I am still. Again, I tell you I'll try to be different. I looked inside me and I saw how much of my heart is missing because I refused to wait. Tear slide on my cheek when I realized: if I keep doing this, I wont be able to give anything to my future husband, no pure love, no pure me, no true care and companionship. I will be stuck in my past, regretting things, wishing some things back that were better than now. Each time when I even hug my future husband will bring up some broken memory, a feeling, thought about some other man and I will sin. Is it worth it? NO. I wont be one in a line of many girls that boys will have. NO. I wont be spending my emotions, feelings, memories, touches, dopamine rushes in brain cells on others. YES, I will be only his one day and I want no other. God has something greater for me that I cant even imagine. He knows my needs, he knows what I long for. He knows my past and he will make me new, whole. He wont give me enough, he will give me too much. He will give me a boy who will be proud of me and shove me around to his friends telling them:" she is the one, she is my loved girl". He will shove me kindness is small stuff like kissing my hand or forehead, or open the door for me, carry my bag, tell me something nice. You know, small, insignificant things that we do are the proof of who w really are inside. And I know if God is in me, and is in my future husband, each day will be filled with insignificant things that will mean a world to me. Gods love for me is too big to give me a failure of a relationship. If anything fails, it would be because of me for not listening to my God or not paying enough attention to Him.
Bible say if we seek we will find, if we knock the door will be open to us. If we get down on our knees and pray, he will provide. We just need to be clean and god-fearing, to ask his will and do the right thing. Sometimes God gives us what we ask for just to teach us something, but actually, when God says no it is not rejection, it is a redirection. We usually forget about it. Everyone, it is not about us, but about others, about something bigger.
Few days ago I was desperate and I blamed everyone for everything, thought I was all alone. My life I devoted for others, to serve them, help them, give them as much as I can. Everyone just used me out. I put serving and devotion even into my work and that showed as wrong thing to do. I hated me for having such a rough past. Last few days shoved me: it was all the part of his plan for me. He used my failure to bring me up and bring others up. I am so glad that I can give my friends some advice. All the pain I went trough is a strong rock for others to lean on and trust on to. Yes I was selfish for a while and did hurt others, but no, that is not who I am now and who I want to be. I am grater than that, greater than my failure. I am a warrior of Gods army, servant for others, loving and caring gal others can turn to. I am here for you and will do anything I can for you. The best thing in all of this: I will wait for the Lord and I will do my best to do His will for me.
You are greater, you are priceless, dont be copies when God made you as a original. Find your place and serve God the best you can. You are grater than this world can ever offer. YOU ARE GREATER.
Girls, let me ask you, what happened to us? We used to be humble, gentle, caring, serving woman, never complaining about doing things for others, putting us aside? Why do we try to rule above man, above leaders, above stronger sex? Why we try to become something that we can not be? We are not created to be that way. In that rush we just try things and do things we shouldn't do. Let me tell you this: turn back to your roots.
I was watching tonight the stars and just been quiet and thoughts were just rushing into my head. My last few blogs about relationships are the proof what was I or what I am still. Again, I tell you I'll try to be different. I looked inside me and I saw how much of my heart is missing because I refused to wait. Tear slide on my cheek when I realized: if I keep doing this, I wont be able to give anything to my future husband, no pure love, no pure me, no true care and companionship. I will be stuck in my past, regretting things, wishing some things back that were better than now. Each time when I even hug my future husband will bring up some broken memory, a feeling, thought about some other man and I will sin. Is it worth it? NO. I wont be one in a line of many girls that boys will have. NO. I wont be spending my emotions, feelings, memories, touches, dopamine rushes in brain cells on others. YES, I will be only his one day and I want no other. God has something greater for me that I cant even imagine. He knows my needs, he knows what I long for. He knows my past and he will make me new, whole. He wont give me enough, he will give me too much. He will give me a boy who will be proud of me and shove me around to his friends telling them:" she is the one, she is my loved girl". He will shove me kindness is small stuff like kissing my hand or forehead, or open the door for me, carry my bag, tell me something nice. You know, small, insignificant things that we do are the proof of who w really are inside. And I know if God is in me, and is in my future husband, each day will be filled with insignificant things that will mean a world to me. Gods love for me is too big to give me a failure of a relationship. If anything fails, it would be because of me for not listening to my God or not paying enough attention to Him.
Bible say if we seek we will find, if we knock the door will be open to us. If we get down on our knees and pray, he will provide. We just need to be clean and god-fearing, to ask his will and do the right thing. Sometimes God gives us what we ask for just to teach us something, but actually, when God says no it is not rejection, it is a redirection. We usually forget about it. Everyone, it is not about us, but about others, about something bigger.
Few days ago I was desperate and I blamed everyone for everything, thought I was all alone. My life I devoted for others, to serve them, help them, give them as much as I can. Everyone just used me out. I put serving and devotion even into my work and that showed as wrong thing to do. I hated me for having such a rough past. Last few days shoved me: it was all the part of his plan for me. He used my failure to bring me up and bring others up. I am so glad that I can give my friends some advice. All the pain I went trough is a strong rock for others to lean on and trust on to. Yes I was selfish for a while and did hurt others, but no, that is not who I am now and who I want to be. I am grater than that, greater than my failure. I am a warrior of Gods army, servant for others, loving and caring gal others can turn to. I am here for you and will do anything I can for you. The best thing in all of this: I will wait for the Lord and I will do my best to do His will for me.
You are greater, you are priceless, dont be copies when God made you as a original. Find your place and serve God the best you can. You are grater than this world can ever offer. YOU ARE GREATER.
Aug 1, 2011
Vrdnik - Stand up and take your place
As every summer, I try to go to some Christian camp. This year I was trying, and I couldn't find one. I remember of talking with my dear friend Jovana and her sending me a link - Youth camp in Vrdnik. The smile came on my face, but it disappeared soon, I knew that I could't afford it, even it isn't so expensive. I prayed, and few days later I knew I have to go there, whatever happens, I must be there. One day before the camp started I still didn't know how to get there because there is no bus or train going to Vrdnik. But I know, God provides, so He found a way to get me there.
So it happened, I was there on 25th july, with my close friends, meeting new ones. At first I wanted to go home, I felt like I don't belong there. My friend called me intruder, I was the only baptist there and only one from my hometown. But it wasn't important, when the 1st teaching started, I knew I had to be there.
The teacher on camp was Michael Knospe. Miroslav and Dragan Radovanovic also thought one night each. I will make a short summary of what made the most impact on me while I was listening them. The subject was "Stand up and take your place".
I came on camp with some problems and fears and the 1st thing that i heard was that I shall not fear. Many great people of God feared but God proved His majesty in their lives. Everyone knows the story of Moses, Gideon, Jonah... We have to stand up and take our place, God uses each of us in one personal way that can't be replaced, we have to be brave and walk with Him, doing His will. God writes history, and He wants to write new one with us, not others but us. He wants to use us for BIG purpose, and only we can fit into His huge puzzle of plans, noone can exchange us. No mater if we get to hard points, everyone does, but with FAITH w can do all things in God. We just have to want to fallow God no mater what. Mathew 7:7 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened."
We should not be same day after day, month after month, year after year. We have to grow and change, like child when it is born, it grows, learns. Jesus havent ruled the world, he was a servant to all, so as we have learn to be servants, 1st His servants later servants of anyone else around us. We have to learn to be humble, to listen and to do His will. Daily. Your life is not the most important thing on this life, don't be proud of it, but learn to put God in 1st place and seek Him each day of your life. If you don't fight, you will loose, so HAVE FAITH AND GO AND FIGHT, He will be with you and help you trough anything you are going through. You have to open your heart for love and forgiveness, you have to trust. When you rely on God there is no more fear in your life. Each day you have to practice and learn to be clean, disciplined, to give, to be strong, to not please your self and your body, you have to decide each day in each thing to fallow Gods will, learn to live with others, and to serve. If you are closer to God, you will know more about your fallen personality, you will understand your self more and control your self even more. You will know that you have seceded in it if you see Jesus in you when you look into your self.
There is nothing impossible to God, but he wants companionship with us. He doesn't make copys of humans, he makes each of us and original. He form us and changes us each day so we could be more and more as he wants us to be. You have to be careful what you do, not everything we want to do is what Gods wants us to do. He uses everyone, little, big, rich, poor, sick and healthy. He take everything that world rejects and make something glorious from it. WE have to do everything, each job, as God is our boss. If you feel like doing something, that will probably be wrong, but if you get callings from others to something, that will surely be from God. There is no such things as useless. If you feel rejected, that is a part when God wants to build you up for something greater. Be faithful in small things. No mater how long the preparation lasts, the service is important. Forget all the bad things in your life, your history and focus to the word of God and his love and will for you. Seek his presence, closeness in prayer daily. IF you feel like Satan is attacking you, great, he attacks only those who belong to God, he has others and there is no need to attack them. We are the only one who can help Satan and break Gods plan to us. if we go with Satan and not with God. It is impossible to be weak and fall into Satans hands if we live with God. Don't be indifferent about situations you are in, change things until you know you are doing the right thing. Don't worry about things you don't have to, god will provide, but care about the things you have, not to be pride on them and not to loose them. If you want to help and change others, you have to help your self first. You don't have to be clean so god could call you for a purpose but you have to be clean so you could serve him in that purpose. When God wants to use you, 1st thing that you will experience is that you are sinner. You will never know what the problem is like if you don't take courage and step out in front of it and face it. You will never experience the power and holiness until you don't seek it first. You will never be a winner if you don't battle first. Each emotion is important, but decisions change the world. You are in charge in your world. You are the one who decides what will you do with your time, money, eyes, ears... But not everything we choose is good to God. Sometimes we have to get a spiritual firewall. You have to beat us all your weaknesses, otherwise, they will not be weak points but strong, and you are stronger than your weak points. From little things start big failings and from insignificant people are made great people. Just have hunger towards living God, without any kind of compromise. You have to learn to take your life into your hands and give it to God, if you leave any little bit to Satan, you will loose your life sooner or later. Jesus doesnt live in building but only in our hearts. He doesnt expect to enter perfect clean heart, but he is here to fix it and make it clean for us if we open our heart and accept it. Holy Spirit is like diktafon, you can not cheat on him, he records everything. But if we work with him together, it is better for us. We have to let Jesus to be an architect of our heart, to build our house on Him so it could be everlasting.
I came to camp with problems and my heart was under the pressure. When the 1st service started i prayed that God brake me down and build me up again, to be the pot holy for him. I havent felt a thing. I cried hardly in prayer, closed in my self, and still nothing. Day by day I though that God doesnt hear me and He turned His face away from me. Vlada prayed for me one night. I cried again in prayer, still, nothing. I started to get mad at God a little. I prayed each morning long, been there before others, nothing. Thursday came, and on afternoon service I took courage and came out, Michael and Bora prayed for me. My stomach squeezed, I couldn't cry, I just felt big nothing. After it I run into my room and and started crying so hard, I was mad both on me and God. As i was calming down, I felt a little bit better. Still, that wasnt good enough for me. Friday morning came, THE PRAYER time that changed a lot of us. Leaders were praying for others to receive the Holy Spirit. I was standing aside, praying, crying, I wanted to feel anything again. Bora came silently from nowhere and started praying for me. I have barely hold my self on my feet, caching my breath. I felt something to hard pushing me down, I was shaking. I remember in one point that I coulnt hear a thing, my body blocked completely. I felt emptiness, I felt big nothing in me, silent, just my struggle to get some air. I remember hugging Bora and falling on my knees. As I was standing up, Rale said to open our Bible and read. Mine was in my room so I continued praying. Next thing i noticed is me repeating II Timothy 2:15 Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth. When i calmed down i felt so indifferent, but in one way so anxious. Sport came and I let all my feelings go away in it as I used back in days when I was playing. When it ended I was hyperactive :D And later on worship, I felt so blessed, happy, so filled up. God is amazing. It took 6 months to see that He forgave me and that he cares still and He is with me. There is nothing holding me back now. No more stones on my heart, no chains. I AM FREE to live for Him.
All the best to all my followers,
Dorotea
p.s.: Sorry for just putting in so many thoughts and not putting it into a story. It is a bit hard to do, there were 8 - 9 different teachings.
So it happened, I was there on 25th july, with my close friends, meeting new ones. At first I wanted to go home, I felt like I don't belong there. My friend called me intruder, I was the only baptist there and only one from my hometown. But it wasn't important, when the 1st teaching started, I knew I had to be there.
The teacher on camp was Michael Knospe. Miroslav and Dragan Radovanovic also thought one night each. I will make a short summary of what made the most impact on me while I was listening them. The subject was "Stand up and take your place".
I came on camp with some problems and fears and the 1st thing that i heard was that I shall not fear. Many great people of God feared but God proved His majesty in their lives. Everyone knows the story of Moses, Gideon, Jonah... We have to stand up and take our place, God uses each of us in one personal way that can't be replaced, we have to be brave and walk with Him, doing His will. God writes history, and He wants to write new one with us, not others but us. He wants to use us for BIG purpose, and only we can fit into His huge puzzle of plans, noone can exchange us. No mater if we get to hard points, everyone does, but with FAITH w can do all things in God. We just have to want to fallow God no mater what. Mathew 7:7 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened."
We should not be same day after day, month after month, year after year. We have to grow and change, like child when it is born, it grows, learns. Jesus havent ruled the world, he was a servant to all, so as we have learn to be servants, 1st His servants later servants of anyone else around us. We have to learn to be humble, to listen and to do His will. Daily. Your life is not the most important thing on this life, don't be proud of it, but learn to put God in 1st place and seek Him each day of your life. If you don't fight, you will loose, so HAVE FAITH AND GO AND FIGHT, He will be with you and help you trough anything you are going through. You have to open your heart for love and forgiveness, you have to trust. When you rely on God there is no more fear in your life. Each day you have to practice and learn to be clean, disciplined, to give, to be strong, to not please your self and your body, you have to decide each day in each thing to fallow Gods will, learn to live with others, and to serve. If you are closer to God, you will know more about your fallen personality, you will understand your self more and control your self even more. You will know that you have seceded in it if you see Jesus in you when you look into your self.
There is nothing impossible to God, but he wants companionship with us. He doesn't make copys of humans, he makes each of us and original. He form us and changes us each day so we could be more and more as he wants us to be. You have to be careful what you do, not everything we want to do is what Gods wants us to do. He uses everyone, little, big, rich, poor, sick and healthy. He take everything that world rejects and make something glorious from it. WE have to do everything, each job, as God is our boss. If you feel like doing something, that will probably be wrong, but if you get callings from others to something, that will surely be from God. There is no such things as useless. If you feel rejected, that is a part when God wants to build you up for something greater. Be faithful in small things. No mater how long the preparation lasts, the service is important. Forget all the bad things in your life, your history and focus to the word of God and his love and will for you. Seek his presence, closeness in prayer daily. IF you feel like Satan is attacking you, great, he attacks only those who belong to God, he has others and there is no need to attack them. We are the only one who can help Satan and break Gods plan to us. if we go with Satan and not with God. It is impossible to be weak and fall into Satans hands if we live with God. Don't be indifferent about situations you are in, change things until you know you are doing the right thing. Don't worry about things you don't have to, god will provide, but care about the things you have, not to be pride on them and not to loose them. If you want to help and change others, you have to help your self first. You don't have to be clean so god could call you for a purpose but you have to be clean so you could serve him in that purpose. When God wants to use you, 1st thing that you will experience is that you are sinner. You will never know what the problem is like if you don't take courage and step out in front of it and face it. You will never experience the power and holiness until you don't seek it first. You will never be a winner if you don't battle first. Each emotion is important, but decisions change the world. You are in charge in your world. You are the one who decides what will you do with your time, money, eyes, ears... But not everything we choose is good to God. Sometimes we have to get a spiritual firewall. You have to beat us all your weaknesses, otherwise, they will not be weak points but strong, and you are stronger than your weak points. From little things start big failings and from insignificant people are made great people. Just have hunger towards living God, without any kind of compromise. You have to learn to take your life into your hands and give it to God, if you leave any little bit to Satan, you will loose your life sooner or later. Jesus doesnt live in building but only in our hearts. He doesnt expect to enter perfect clean heart, but he is here to fix it and make it clean for us if we open our heart and accept it. Holy Spirit is like diktafon, you can not cheat on him, he records everything. But if we work with him together, it is better for us. We have to let Jesus to be an architect of our heart, to build our house on Him so it could be everlasting.
I came to camp with problems and my heart was under the pressure. When the 1st service started i prayed that God brake me down and build me up again, to be the pot holy for him. I havent felt a thing. I cried hardly in prayer, closed in my self, and still nothing. Day by day I though that God doesnt hear me and He turned His face away from me. Vlada prayed for me one night. I cried again in prayer, still, nothing. I started to get mad at God a little. I prayed each morning long, been there before others, nothing. Thursday came, and on afternoon service I took courage and came out, Michael and Bora prayed for me. My stomach squeezed, I couldn't cry, I just felt big nothing. After it I run into my room and and started crying so hard, I was mad both on me and God. As i was calming down, I felt a little bit better. Still, that wasnt good enough for me. Friday morning came, THE PRAYER time that changed a lot of us. Leaders were praying for others to receive the Holy Spirit. I was standing aside, praying, crying, I wanted to feel anything again. Bora came silently from nowhere and started praying for me. I have barely hold my self on my feet, caching my breath. I felt something to hard pushing me down, I was shaking. I remember in one point that I coulnt hear a thing, my body blocked completely. I felt emptiness, I felt big nothing in me, silent, just my struggle to get some air. I remember hugging Bora and falling on my knees. As I was standing up, Rale said to open our Bible and read. Mine was in my room so I continued praying. Next thing i noticed is me repeating II Timothy 2:15 Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth. When i calmed down i felt so indifferent, but in one way so anxious. Sport came and I let all my feelings go away in it as I used back in days when I was playing. When it ended I was hyperactive :D And later on worship, I felt so blessed, happy, so filled up. God is amazing. It took 6 months to see that He forgave me and that he cares still and He is with me. There is nothing holding me back now. No more stones on my heart, no chains. I AM FREE to live for Him.
All the best to all my followers,
Dorotea
p.s.: Sorry for just putting in so many thoughts and not putting it into a story. It is a bit hard to do, there were 8 - 9 different teachings.
May 15, 2011
In your presence i find where i belong
Again i have to mention this interesting fact that i write only when i am sad and hurt, when there is noone else around. There are words of a song and it goes 'There must be some mistake, im not worth the price you paid, with every passing hour i convince my self that you saw something in me.'
Yes, HE saw. God sees our heart and our passion. He knows true our selves even if we deny it.
My church is small and we have no youth. Lately i got in a crew, good grew i have to say, we call our selves oposums. Even tho we dont drink, smoke, use drugs, we behave good, but they have changed me. In a bad way. All the time i felt rejected by them, left behind, left out. I tried to get accepted, done all kind of things. I started liking a boy and tried to have a relationship with him. He was denying me and i was going on and on. My best friend is in that crew and she left me. With no words she left me. And he, he was so rude to me, used me, played with me. now ive got to the point where it hurts a lot. way to much. i know i am one to blame, still i cant accept it. ive never done anything bad to them, still they rejected. am i too good to be around? like that they cant take good near them.
last night as i was talking with one of my believer friend, i asked him why do we like to be hurt, we know the right path and what shall we do and still we go with head trough the wall and later on blame god for not stopping us. he replied 'We think we can do better then the best, So we try, and try, and try. But fail, time after time. Yet we never realize it.'
god gave us everything, the best for us, and we dont want it and want to do it our way. one other replied that we are masochist and we just like the pain so we could know we are alive. still i rather feel good than pain to know that im alive.
i talked to my other friend today and she said its hard to be the light and shine, but still, in a smallest darkness, we are shining and we are leading someone. who i am leading and where?
god is with us, even if we cannot see and feel him. he is still here leading us. he is watching over us. we do believe in him, and still we fail. but at those times we have to say ' god here i am, i believe, help my unbelief.' there will be something holding us back, but we have to give it up to god. he can do anything. he will lead us back, use us. he knows our weakness and he forgives us and he just wants to hold us close. there is no place i rather be than in his arms of love.
Yes, HE saw. God sees our heart and our passion. He knows true our selves even if we deny it.
My church is small and we have no youth. Lately i got in a crew, good grew i have to say, we call our selves oposums. Even tho we dont drink, smoke, use drugs, we behave good, but they have changed me. In a bad way. All the time i felt rejected by them, left behind, left out. I tried to get accepted, done all kind of things. I started liking a boy and tried to have a relationship with him. He was denying me and i was going on and on. My best friend is in that crew and she left me. With no words she left me. And he, he was so rude to me, used me, played with me. now ive got to the point where it hurts a lot. way to much. i know i am one to blame, still i cant accept it. ive never done anything bad to them, still they rejected. am i too good to be around? like that they cant take good near them.
last night as i was talking with one of my believer friend, i asked him why do we like to be hurt, we know the right path and what shall we do and still we go with head trough the wall and later on blame god for not stopping us. he replied 'We think we can do better then the best, So we try, and try, and try. But fail, time after time. Yet we never realize it.'
god gave us everything, the best for us, and we dont want it and want to do it our way. one other replied that we are masochist and we just like the pain so we could know we are alive. still i rather feel good than pain to know that im alive.
i talked to my other friend today and she said its hard to be the light and shine, but still, in a smallest darkness, we are shining and we are leading someone. who i am leading and where?
god is with us, even if we cannot see and feel him. he is still here leading us. he is watching over us. we do believe in him, and still we fail. but at those times we have to say ' god here i am, i believe, help my unbelief.' there will be something holding us back, but we have to give it up to god. he can do anything. he will lead us back, use us. he knows our weakness and he forgives us and he just wants to hold us close. there is no place i rather be than in his arms of love.
Mar 5, 2011
Tribut against abuse
start with listening to this track http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iaX5jb_oWH0
For a long time I know about Watoto center in Africa. Since I know what they are doing I wanted to go there, help them, adopt some of the kids who live there. But still, I can just pray and think about them.
Have you ever thought about Africa? Yes, they are getting civilized each they, but the truth is, a lot of them are living worst than 100 years ago. AIDS is taking a lot of lives, but thats not all. Hundreds of babys, children die each minute of starving. Many of them are daily abused by others. Abortion is a enormous problem as well.
Africa isnt the only place where such things happen. All around the world children are most of all abused by their parents and friends, most common is psychical abuse then physical. Also a lot of kids are starving, dying from AIDS and lastly, die by abortion and in war.
Isnt it time for us to wake up and help them? We are supposed to love each other, take care of each other more than our self. Why arent we doing that. We are praying for government, people on high positions, etc.We want good to be better, string stronger and wealthy wealthier, we are selfish. What if we pray for poor to get richer, weak stronger, sick healthy? Why arent we helping people in need but helping big people? It is time for things to be changed.
Dont let millions of dreams to be broken, hopes to die, lives to disappear. Make a change.
about Africa's children http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8VSsW9XCrE
about Watoto http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TiKvGf604pI
For a long time I know about Watoto center in Africa. Since I know what they are doing I wanted to go there, help them, adopt some of the kids who live there. But still, I can just pray and think about them.
Have you ever thought about Africa? Yes, they are getting civilized each they, but the truth is, a lot of them are living worst than 100 years ago. AIDS is taking a lot of lives, but thats not all. Hundreds of babys, children die each minute of starving. Many of them are daily abused by others. Abortion is a enormous problem as well.
Africa isnt the only place where such things happen. All around the world children are most of all abused by their parents and friends, most common is psychical abuse then physical. Also a lot of kids are starving, dying from AIDS and lastly, die by abortion and in war.
Isnt it time for us to wake up and help them? We are supposed to love each other, take care of each other more than our self. Why arent we doing that. We are praying for government, people on high positions, etc.We want good to be better, string stronger and wealthy wealthier, we are selfish. What if we pray for poor to get richer, weak stronger, sick healthy? Why arent we helping people in need but helping big people? It is time for things to be changed.
Dont let millions of dreams to be broken, hopes to die, lives to disappear. Make a change.
about Africa's children http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8VSsW9XCrE
about Watoto http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TiKvGf604pI
Feb 26, 2011
My reality
Walking on the streets… People passing her… Nobody knows her… The time goes and she is staying there unknown… She saw her friends, for who she thought that they were her friends, and they ware pretending they don't recognized her… Every day she sees how they are having fun, hearing them laugh, and try to imagine her there with them… She can't… They are just to happy for her to be there… Her life slowly goes down… It is sad to see that happy, hopeful girl disappearing inside of her… The girl who was always busy, always with lot of people, trying to help them, to give them some advice… The girl who was never bored, who wasn't angry on you whatever you sad to her… The girl who was always ready to run to you if you need her… Who was always singing the song from her heart… For who was enough to see your face to know what is going on in you… For who was more than enough to see missed call from someone, or empty massage to know to someone is thinking about her, and to know that she is important to someone… Now she is gone… Sitting in the corner in her room, all alone, sad, lonely… Tears falling from her face… Her heart is crushed… Soul is empty… She can't find her peace… She can't hear the music in her heart… She is upset and depressed… There is no one who would try to help her… All alone, left there, like some old, boring toy… Even her parents don't see what is going on inside of her, in her life… They don't know her… Sometimes, in her mind, there is a thought about stopping her life… However, she is still there, waiting for someone… But… In her loneliness, there is someone who loves her somewhere… Someone who is ready to help her… Anytime… Anywhere… Always… She needs to believe…
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