Greater than that

Yes, I am greater than that. For I am made unique, for one man, for joy not sorrow. I am made to serve. I am made to obey and listen. I am made to respect and to be pure. I am made gentle and with quiet spirit. I am made to be a partner not a leader. (I Peter 3)
Girls, let me ask you, what happened to us? We used to be humble, gentle, caring, serving woman, never complaining about doing things for others, putting us aside? Why do we try to rule above man, above leaders, above stronger sex? Why we try to become something that we can not be? We are not created to be that way. In that rush we just try things and do things we shouldn't do. Let me tell you this: turn back to your roots.
I was watching tonight the stars and just been quiet and thoughts were just rushing into my head. My last few blogs about relationships are the proof what was I or what I am still. Again, I tell you I'll try to be different. I looked inside me and I saw how much of my heart is missing because I refused to wait. Tear slide on my cheek when I realized: if I keep doing this, I wont be able to give anything to my future husband, no pure love, no pure me, no true care and companionship. I will be stuck in my past, regretting things, wishing some things back that were better than now. Each time when I even hug my future husband will bring up some broken memory, a feeling, thought about some other man and I will sin. Is it worth it? NO. I wont be one in a line of many girls that boys will have. NO. I wont be spending my emotions, feelings, memories, touches, dopamine rushes in brain cells on others. YES, I will be only his one day and I want no other. God has something greater for me that I cant even imagine. He knows my needs, he knows what I long for. He knows my past and he will make me new, whole. He wont give me enough, he will give me too much. He will give me a boy who will be proud of me and shove me around to his friends telling them:" she is the one, she is my loved girl". He will shove me kindness is small stuff like kissing my hand or forehead, or open the door for me, carry my bag, tell me something nice. You know, small, insignificant things that we do are the proof of who w really are inside. And I know if God is in me, and is in my future husband, each day will be filled with insignificant things that will mean a world to me. Gods love for me is too big to give me a failure of a relationship. If anything fails, it would be because of me for not listening to my God or not paying enough attention to Him.
Bible say if we seek we will find, if we knock the door will be open to us. If we get down on our knees and pray, he will provide. We just need to be clean and god-fearing, to ask his will and do the right thing. Sometimes God gives us what we ask for just to teach us something, but actually, when God says no it is not rejection, it is a redirection. We usually forget about it. Everyone, it is not about us, but about others, about something bigger.
Few days ago I was desperate and I blamed everyone for everything, thought I was all alone. My life I devoted for others, to serve them, help them, give them as much as I can. Everyone just used me out. I put serving and devotion even into my work and that showed as wrong thing to do. I hated me for having such a rough past. Last few days shoved me: it was all the part of his plan for me. He used my failure to bring me up and bring others up. I am so glad that I can give my friends some advice. All the pain I went trough is a strong rock for others to lean on and trust on to. Yes I was selfish for a while and did hurt others, but no, that is not who I am now and who I want to be. I am grater than that, greater than my failure. I am a warrior of Gods army, servant for others, loving and caring gal others can turn to. I am here for you and will do anything I can for you. The best thing in all of this: I will wait for the Lord and I will do my best to do His will for me.
You are greater, you are priceless, dont be copies when God made you as a original. Find your place and serve God the best you can. You are grater than this world can ever offer. YOU ARE GREATER.