As every summer, I try to go to some Christian camp. This year I was trying, and I couldn't find one. I remember of talking with my dear friend Jovana and her sending me a link - Youth camp in Vrdnik. The smile came on my face, but it disappeared soon, I knew that I could't afford it, even it isn't so expensive. I prayed, and few days later I knew I have to go there, whatever happens, I must be there. One day before the camp started I still didn't know how to get there because there is no bus or train going to Vrdnik. But I know, God provides, so He found a way to get me there.
So it happened, I was there on 25th july, with my close friends, meeting new ones. At first I wanted to go home, I felt like I don't belong there. My friend called me intruder, I was the only baptist there and only one from my hometown. But it wasn't important, when the 1st teaching started, I knew I had to be there.
The teacher on camp was Michael Knospe. Miroslav and Dragan Radovanovic also thought one night each. I will make a short summary of what made the most impact on me while I was listening them. The subject was "Stand up and take your place".
I came on camp with some problems and fears and the 1st thing that i heard was that I shall not fear. Many great people of God feared but God proved His majesty in their lives. Everyone knows the story of Moses, Gideon, Jonah... We have to stand up and take our place, God uses each of us in one personal way that can't be replaced, we have to be brave and walk with Him, doing His will. God writes history, and He wants to write new one with us, not others but us. He wants to use us for BIG purpose, and only we can fit into His huge puzzle of plans, noone can exchange us. No mater if we get to hard points, everyone does, but with FAITH w can do all things in God. We just have to want to fallow God no mater what. Mathew 7:7 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened."
We should not be same day after day, month after month, year after year. We have to grow and change, like child when it is born, it grows, learns. Jesus havent ruled the world, he was a servant to all, so as we have learn to be servants, 1st His servants later servants of anyone else around us. We have to learn to be humble, to listen and to do His will. Daily. Your life is not the most important thing on this life, don't be proud of it, but learn to put God in 1st place and seek Him each day of your life. If you don't fight, you will loose, so HAVE FAITH AND GO AND FIGHT, He will be with you and help you trough anything you are going through. You have to open your heart for love and forgiveness, you have to trust. When you rely on God there is no more fear in your life. Each day you have to practice and learn to be clean, disciplined, to give, to be strong, to not please your self and your body, you have to decide each day in each thing to fallow Gods will, learn to live with others, and to serve. If you are closer to God, you will know more about your fallen personality, you will understand your self more and control your self even more. You will know that you have seceded in it if you see Jesus in you when you look into your self.
There is nothing impossible to God, but he wants companionship with us. He doesn't make copys of humans, he makes each of us and original. He form us and changes us each day so we could be more and more as he wants us to be. You have to be careful what you do, not everything we want to do is what Gods wants us to do. He uses everyone, little, big, rich, poor, sick and healthy. He take everything that world rejects and make something glorious from it. WE have to do everything, each job, as God is our boss. If you feel like doing something, that will probably be wrong, but if you get callings from others to something, that will surely be from God. There is no such things as useless. If you feel rejected, that is a part when God wants to build you up for something greater. Be faithful in small things. No mater how long the preparation lasts, the service is important. Forget all the bad things in your life, your history and focus to the word of God and his love and will for you. Seek his presence, closeness in prayer daily. IF you feel like Satan is attacking you, great, he attacks only those who belong to God, he has others and there is no need to attack them. We are the only one who can help Satan and break Gods plan to us. if we go with Satan and not with God. It is impossible to be weak and fall into Satans hands if we live with God. Don't be indifferent about situations you are in, change things until you know you are doing the right thing. Don't worry about things you don't have to, god will provide, but care about the things you have, not to be pride on them and not to loose them. If you want to help and change others, you have to help your self first. You don't have to be clean so god could call you for a purpose but you have to be clean so you could serve him in that purpose. When God wants to use you, 1st thing that you will experience is that you are sinner. You will never know what the problem is like if you don't take courage and step out in front of it and face it. You will never experience the power and holiness until you don't seek it first. You will never be a winner if you don't battle first. Each emotion is important, but decisions change the world. You are in charge in your world. You are the one who decides what will you do with your time, money, eyes, ears... But not everything we choose is good to God. Sometimes we have to get a spiritual firewall. You have to beat us all your weaknesses, otherwise, they will not be weak points but strong, and you are stronger than your weak points. From little things start big failings and from insignificant people are made great people. Just have hunger towards living God, without any kind of compromise. You have to learn to take your life into your hands and give it to God, if you leave any little bit to Satan, you will loose your life sooner or later. Jesus doesnt live in building but only in our hearts. He doesnt expect to enter perfect clean heart, but he is here to fix it and make it clean for us if we open our heart and accept it. Holy Spirit is like diktafon, you can not cheat on him, he records everything. But if we work with him together, it is better for us. We have to let Jesus to be an architect of our heart, to build our house on Him so it could be everlasting.
I came to camp with problems and my heart was under the pressure. When the 1st service started i prayed that God brake me down and build me up again, to be the pot holy for him. I havent felt a thing. I cried hardly in prayer, closed in my self, and still nothing. Day by day I though that God doesnt hear me and He turned His face away from me. Vlada prayed for me one night. I cried again in prayer, still, nothing. I started to get mad at God a little. I prayed each morning long, been there before others, nothing. Thursday came, and on afternoon service I took courage and came out, Michael and Bora prayed for me. My stomach squeezed, I couldn't cry, I just felt big nothing. After it I run into my room and and started crying so hard, I was mad both on me and God. As i was calming down, I felt a little bit better. Still, that wasnt good enough for me. Friday morning came, THE PRAYER time that changed a lot of us. Leaders were praying for others to receive the Holy Spirit. I was standing aside, praying, crying, I wanted to feel anything again. Bora came silently from nowhere and started praying for me. I have barely hold my self on my feet, caching my breath. I felt something to hard pushing me down, I was shaking. I remember in one point that I coulnt hear a thing, my body blocked completely. I felt emptiness, I felt big nothing in me, silent, just my struggle to get some air. I remember hugging Bora and falling on my knees. As I was standing up, Rale said to open our Bible and read. Mine was in my room so I continued praying. Next thing i noticed is me repeating II Timothy 2:15 Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth. When i calmed down i felt so indifferent, but in one way so anxious. Sport came and I let all my feelings go away in it as I used back in days when I was playing. When it ended I was hyperactive :D And later on worship, I felt so blessed, happy, so filled up. God is amazing. It took 6 months to see that He forgave me and that he cares still and He is with me. There is nothing holding me back now. No more stones on my heart, no chains. I AM FREE to live for Him.
All the best to all my followers,
Dorotea
p.s.: Sorry for just putting in so many thoughts and not putting it into a story. It is a bit hard to do, there were 8 - 9 different teachings.
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